Here I am. Or whatever this strange "I" seems to be. 28-year old. Born and raised in Moscow, Russia. Graduated from Moscow State Linguistic University with a degree in Global Economy and International Relationships (don't even ask me why). Worked as a Research Analyst in PriceWaterhouse Coopers, as English and Business English teacher for English First. Was teaching Dance, danced a lot. Was singing and studying Indian mantras. Quit everything and went to India. Quite everything again and went to America. Studied vocal, tried to "conquer" Hollywood. Ended up going to meditation retreats and doing work-exchange at yoga festivals. Now sitting on my bed in a little room of the Open Gate in Halcyon, California. The place that I was looking for my whole life. I listen to the birds singing happily and prepare myself for my next Quantum Leap. The Leap Home. Or another crazy adventure at least:)
I started this journey around 7 years ago having no idea where it's going to lead me. And that's how it all began.
***
Monday. 8-30 am. Moscow Metro. Lots of happy faces around and harmony can be smelled in the air.
If you ever took the metro in Moscow in rush hour you would immediately stop reading all this crazy staff thinking that I'm totally nuts or under some hardcore substances, and maybe even would like to ask me where I get those. Because the word combinations "moscow metro" and "happy faces", not mentioning "harmony" or "air" simply don't co-exist in nature. It's a kind of aksimoron. Anyway, it was just for my imagination training and consciousness expansion.
So, let's return to the wagon #13 with yellow inside for some reason - probably I was not alone in my consciousness expansion sessions. I was standing in the middle of the yellow space trying to find the perfect balance as well as staring at the people around me. Not the most entertaining pastime I need to admit. The happiest face that you could probably find in that wagon was of the 3-year old kid who was busy obviously doing the same thing as I was, with the only difference in facial expressions. His was cheerful and full of wild energy while mine was reflecting the whole grief of this world. Like the rest of my companions in this trip. Why?
BECAUSE WE WERE ALL GOING TO WORK!!
Work. The magic place we were dreaming of our whole life, preparing for this 5 years in kindergarten, 10 years at school, 5 years at university - and Bam! Dreams come true! WORK. Exciting! You can definitely see this wild level of excitement on our faces and ekstatic happiness waving through our bodies.
OK, I stop my sarcasm here and try to pull myself together. Just give one more try. I can do it.
SO in the midst of this life celebration (I'm sorry, I'm trying) the voice inside of my head (normally tiny little one) roared like a lion from Golden Myer " And this is it? And this is what you call LIFE? (he also mentioned some other interesting words in this nice morning greeting but let's omit them for the highest good of all). THERE MUST BE MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS! " Definitely, -I agreed politely. "SO what the heck are you doing here?" What the heck I am doing here? A good question. Unexpected but good. Surreal but nice, how my favorite Hugh Grant in my favorite Notting Hill put it. Damn right.
Something inside of me started to swirl. A great warming feeling and a tough creepy one. At the same time. Since that moment I knew that my life would never be same again. And in fact, it never was.
***
I always tried to write something down during this Journey. Not necessarily in the way of a diary but somehow expressing myself on the sheet of paper, be it so called "morning pages" or just recalling my dreams from the other night (and it's quite a journey by itself). Right now I have quite a number of notebooks from the last two years - my American Journey period. I had much more back home (if it's still is, a back home) but relatives have read the good part of them and probably burnt them somewhere. I bet they didn't expect what they found there. But it's upon them after all - you take the full responsibilitiy for what you do if you decided to. I know, sounds like reading morals. But...it's probably one of the greatest lessons I have learnt so far, especially during this two years.
And so, ladies and gentlemen, right here, right now - Lessons learned. Or not very, learned.
***
You will find stories from real life, notes from my diaries, abstracts from my research on mind/body/soul and other topics. I am not trying to teach anybody (though it may seem so sometimes), I learn myself, every single second. I just wanted to share my experience, my thoughts and realizations. And if anything touches your heart or makes you think about some problem and find YOUR own answer - then I know that it is not in vain. And nothing is in vain, in the end run. Every effort counts. Every single effort. Counts.
¡No pasarán!
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